What does it mean to raise a child? I remember when Carrie was pregnant with Ayelet and she didn’t feel her kicking at one point. We rushed to the OB’s office and the OB examined her, smiled, and looked at us and said “welcome to the rest of your life.” The minute that you choose to have children you have left yourself vulnerable to some incredibly difficult emotions. Children elicit the greatest joys that there are, and at the same time some of the greatest fears and sadness. I don’t know about you but I spend an absurd amount of time each day worrying about Ayelet and Galit. I wake up in the middle of the night with some fatherly “spidey sense” that something is wrong with one or both of them. I’ve been known to wake them by mistake when I tried to sneak into their rooms to check on them. I’ve gotten too close to them to check breathing status. I’ve done it all. I’ve been cursed with seeing disasters before they happen. I have the wrinkles and grey hair to prove it.
Ayelet was born on the Shabbat of this week’s Torah reading. In this week’s Parshah, Abraham and Sarah were promised to have a child and that promise was fulfilled. It was not easy for us to have Ayelet. We went through IVF to make it happen. The text talks about the circumcision and weaning of Isaac. It talks about Sarah’s jealousy of Abraham’s other son and his mother, Hagar, and how Abraham kicks them out. The Parasha ends with the famous story of the עקידת יצחק, the binding of Isaac, and the ultimate destruction of a parent/child relation. It’s easy to see there’s much to do with parenting do’s and don’ts in this Parasha. Well, I guess it’s more about the don’ts.
As such, I have been thinking a great deal this week about being the parent of an incredible daughter about to become a Bat Mitzvah. In the past we’ve thought of the B’nai Mitzvah as entering adulthood. It’s not. It’s all about more obligations. It’s all about entering a more intense relationship with God. I do not know how to parent a teen. But I do know that as Ayelet and Galit have aged, I’ve grown as a parent. With that said, I think there’s a deeper issue to look at and that’s letting go. The fears I spoke of in the beginning of this article are dependent on relationship. When we’re in a relationship, we need to see that we constantly fear losing that relationship. At the same time, that fear holds us back from truly loving and caring for that person.
Letting go of a child’s hand is hard. It’s hard on the first day of school, the beginning of camp and when they go out with friends for the first time. Letting go of the control we have over our progeny is difficult because we fear the unknown. But letting go of that control means we believe in them… trust in their choices… and care enough about them to let them go out on their own. A favorite Israeli song of mine is עוף גוזל and while I know that it’s a bit early for me to see Ayelet in such a way… it feels like letting go is so hard.
My little birds have left the nest Spread their wings and flew away And I, an old bird, remained in the nest Really hoping that everything will be alright.
I always knew the day would come When we’d have to part But now it came to me so suddenly So what’s the wonder that I’m a bit concerned.
Fly, little bird Cut through the sky Fly to wherever you want Just don’t forget There’s an eagle in the sky Be cautious…
We are now alone in the nest But we are together Hold me tight and tell me yes Do not worry, it’s fun to grow old together
Fly, little bird…
I know that it’s just nature I also left a nest But now when the moment comes I get choked up (in the throat) I get choked up…
Fly, little bird…
Letting go will never be easy in anything and everything we do. We are creatures of habit and we like the world as it is… as we have grown accustomed to it being. Letting go is hard because it means we have to accept a world with a bit less control than we would like. Letting go is hard but it’s an enormous part of being human. We all need to see progress and good. We all need to see change and growth as good. We all need to let go a bit more often to allow all that we love to grow and move forward.
I love you so much Ayelet. I am so proud of you and I want you to know that while letting go of you is so hard… I trust you and believe in you. You are incredible and I am so thankful to share this life with you.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Hearshen
Do a Mitzvah & Help the Homeless
Homelessness is a tragic problem worldwide. We all must do our part to try to do away with homelessness. That work needs to begin with the homeless in our midst and then we can begin to work to help those further and further away. In order to raise awareness and to help raise funds for Covenant House Georgia, I'll be sleeping outside for one night on November 18, 2021. I am trying to raise $5,000 for this immensely important cause and I hope you will be able to join me in contributing. Click here to go to my fundraising page.
Thank you for your time and consideration. We all have a role to play in making our world better for all and this is just one of the many opportunities to do just that.
Erev Shabbat Services 5:30 pm at OVS and on Zoom Click here to join on Zoom Candlelighting time on October 22 is 6:36 pm. Shabbat Morning Services Partnership Minyan / Ayelet Hearshen's Bat Mitzvah 8:45 am in the Sanctuary
OVS Minyan Service in the style used for over 100 years 8:00 amin the Chapel
Thank you to Rabbi & Carrie Hearshen for sponsoring Kiddush in Ayelet's honor. Kiddush will be enjoyed in our new large event tent.
Torah Readers Needed
We're seeking women to read from the Torah at Partnership Minyan on December 11 and January 8. Email rabbi.hearshen@orveshalom.orgto learn more.
Sunday, November 7 at 10:00 am Join us for a special discussion and tell us what OVS can do for you. Discussion will be held during parent's learning at Building Blocks Sunday School.
Open to all young members and prospective members. Building Block registration not required.
Registration Now Open for Tot Shabbat & Dinner Under the Stars
Sisterhood Bazaar is Back!
Sunday, November 21 11:00 am - 3:00 pm Featuring Mediterranean Cuisine, Hand-made Delicacies & Pastries
Pre-order online & drive-thru to pick up and take home. In addition, our hot food line will feature lunch and sweets to take home or to enjoy in our huge new open-air outdoor event tent.
Mazel Tov to the OVS & HOD Lodge Magen David "I'll Have What She's Having" team on their win as the Fan Favorite at the Kosher BBQ Festival yesterday!
Many thanks to our crew including Pit Boss, Sam Benator (pictured with trophy), Semon Akbashev, Milton Solomon, Tzi Chefer, Alan Smirin and Team Captain, Adam Kofinas!
BIRTHDAYS Shabbat Deana Badalbayev Erica Rubin
Sunday Doug Ross Sevil Shlimak
Monday Debra Tenenbaum Marguerite Merlin
Tuesday Barry Zipperman Nash Steven Tarica Sylvia Franco Lavine
Wednesday Albert Fathi Karl Braun Laurie Rosenberg Maxine Barrocas
Thursday Carol Benator Daniel D. Dinur Michael Bouhadana Richard Maslia
Friday Sam Benator
ANNIVERSARIES Shabbat Gregory and Judith Hirsch
Monday Mark and Marianne Tarica
Wednesday Brian and Sarah Meyer
Thursday Darryl and Missy Maslia
Meldados
Shabbat Mathew Hanein Joan Mioduser
Sunday Salomon Liebermann Reuben Franco Barbara Orkin
Monday Rahel Lipkin Bert Weiland
Wednesday Jonas Mitchell
Thursday Tillie Tenenbaum
Friday Rachel B. Shemaria Milton Light Becky S Alhadeff Mikhail Kariyev Julian Levy
